Crappy night crappy day...

This whole month has sucked and will continue to suck.  Freaking girls.
I blew up last night.  I have a question, if your girlfriend was in  stupid play, and had to kiss two guys multiple times who you really freaking hate how would you feel? She keeps telling me its not a big deal.  WTF.  YES IT IS.  "It doesnt mean anything" yeah well you can say that about anything. GOSH ****** Im so f'ng tired of everything  WTF WTF WTF.  Why do I keep having to deal with this. omg................................................. then her mom said I was being immature about the whole thing "aww gee, i am so sorry i am mad about my gf for 1 year 5 months if kissing two other guys, my bad.  I hope your husband does the same thing and well see how you act" w/e ive already put up with so much of her crap but i never do anything back.  I always forgive, forgive, forgive. 
what do you guys think?

Anyone want to drive to IL to cruise?! I wanna freaking go as fast as I can and run into everything

I know how you feel, I've dated my girl for almost 4 years now and jealousy still continues, especially now that we go to different schools and live 300 miles away. But a play is a play and kissing is part of acting. How do you think actors and actresses feel about seeing their significant other kissing and portraying sex in films? Just let it go and if you love each other you'll forgive each other.

Is there tongue involved?
If no tongue, I wouldn't think it's a big deal.
I'm not trying to belittle the issue.  That is my opinion of how I would react. 

Is this a high school or college play or just a random theatre club?

Make out with her sister. That'll make it even.

but seriously, dont. lol. just make a joke out of it.
if their in drama club chances are the boy shes kissing is gay anyway. lol joking, kinda.

idk personally I wouldnt think its that big of a deal, its acting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nafango2

...is gay anyway. lol joking, kinda.

hahahah. agreed.

I feel sorry for you man, 300 miles is crazy!  Good luck:)  I wish you the best.

-High School play
-No tongue that I know of, but hey shes probably lying to me again
-She also has to be all over the guys, and hold a kiss for a long time
-I am in college but the guys she has to kiss are...**** I HATE THEM.  Seriously, preppy, think they can do w/e they want and one of them told her she could sit on his lap because there werent any chairs left.
-And she does stupid other community plays, I also had a conflict with two of the guys there as well
-She says kissing is a part of plays, ok well how about I go to HIN and get some nice pictures of me with barely clothed women.  That would piss her off to no end, but I would say "bikini contests and women dressed like that are a part of car shows, get over it"  See where I am coming from.  It is never fair. NEVER.  I always get screwed in the end, and I dont want to end it...I really dont, but everythings getting just hard ecspecially when she does the same things over and over.

As far as actors and actresses go, that is their job and their husband or wife already know about that going into it.
First, I get jealous easily, and it doesnt help when other things have gone on.  I have never betrayed or hurt her once, but shes done it a few times to me.  Then she lies, by saying its a big deal and then last night she says I am over reacting and admits it isnt a big deal to her.  She gets jealous when I hugged a girl I went to grade school with and have known longer than her.  She never looks at it from any other way.  For example, the hug thing, in another of the plays this guy kept poking her and hugging her so I got pissed, and then she said it wasnt a big deal, when she made a huge deal of hugging someone I have known for longer than a week.  And other things that I dont need to say on here (not like that though) and its not fair. And this isnt a small relationship...we planned on getting marrried after we both are done with college. 

And sorry if I am acting like a (you know).  Thanks for the advice too guys...it helps alot ecspecially when you aren't flaming me.  Im going on a walk and then in town, ill come back axiously to your replies.  Thanks
 
Also, Mods, will you delete this thread when I request .  Id prefer her not to see this.

Has she cheated on you in the past?  Admitidly if it were my GF  I wouldn't want to see it so I probably wouldn't go to the play.  I'd show up afterwards to support her and congratulate her but take full faith and trust her to do the right thing and that it is just a part of the role.  My opinion is that if you can't trust someone either find a way to trust them (deal with your own issues or confront the person on theirs) or drop the relationship.  It's natural for a male to be a bit jealous it just says that you care enough about her that you don't want to lose her.  But don't let that push her away.  I'd sit her down and tell her that I understand it's part of her acting and that it's not for any form of personal pleasure.  I would then ASK if she would mind if I didn't see the play but showed up after it was done because it makes me uncomfortable seeing that but re-assure her that I would be there at the end and I know she'll do a great job.

Don't be responsible for loosing something that's dear to you by being so afraid of that loss that you push it away.

nasty gave good advice there.
If you do not trust this girl/woman 100%, you need to end it now.  That's the bottom line.    You don't want to get stuck in a relationship if her mother is terrible. 
You just got to college!  Live a little!  You haven't gotten to experience "jumping on the grenade" for the first time!  You have a lot of living left to do! 

maybe its what i need to do...i blame my relationship for me not going to school...i was only 17 when i got with her....

That's definitely not fair on her part. I get jealous easily as well and I'm not a fighter by any means, but maybe you need to go toss their sh*t and show some dominance. Once college started I got really defensive of my girl and it's working with the guys she goes to school with. If she's gonna be immature about it, and it's not something small, tell her to cut the sh*t or you're gone. The first thing I taught my girl was that if she was going to be stupid and play cat-and-mouse games I wouldn't put up with it. Best of luck to you and if you really love each other things will resolve.

I can honestly say I know where you are coming from.  My wife never once cheated on me at all but if she see's a friend and gives them a hug it's cool, but if I do it (unless it's certain people that she likes) she gets all bent out of shape.  And I can forget about going to hooters or something of that nature (HIN might be an exception if she could come along...).

Side note on trust: Typically speaking the parter who accuses someone of cheating is the one who themselves cheated in the past.  They feel bad for cheating so they want to blame it on their partner and in a way want their partner to do it so they are "equal" again.  yeah it's strange but it's true. 

Anyway, I hope it works out the way it's supposed to but I know it sucks while you are going through it.  I would also ask her to stop being flirtaous with other cast members and to at least stand up for you (I.E. some guy asks her to sit on his lap and she says "sorry but I wouldn't do that to my boyfriend")

Yes I'll delete this when you ask.

first off, nasty gave some GREAT advice with this


Don't be responsible for loosing something that's dear to you by being so afraid of that loss that you push it away.


and I know because I have...and standing on a edge because I do love the woman so much....and I don't even know if we are going to be getting back together (I have been told friends for now and that's the best she can offer, so who knows? I pray and that's the best I can do besides hope she can see the new me coming out)

but if you really love her, AND if she realy truly loves you....then she shouldn't be playing these games, its not fair to you in the end....and I mean in the end of messing with your heart and emotions...lies, deciet and cheating always seem to go hand in hand and they WILL eventually destroy what you are seeing as a good thing right now. I say show the dominance, tell her if she can't respect you by staying off other guys laps, hugging and playing around with hem and junk and respext you as "HER BOYFRIEND AKA PRE ENGAGEMENT TYPE THING", then your gone brother....move on as they say. sure there are plenty of girls out there that would just kill for a straight up honest type guy.

Well gents I'm out for the evening.  I wish you all the best in your endevors, it's never easy when it's happening to you and hindsight will always be 20/20.  Ultimatly it's the two of your's decsion and no one can make that for you.  Just be sure you evaluate yourself as well as her and not just what she is doing.  Relationships are a two way street.

Sorry I can't delete this tonight since I'm AFK till morning. PM me or just post when you want it dropped.

quote:

ORIGINAL: finch13

I know how you feel, I've dated my girl for almost 4 years now and jealousy still continues, especially now that we go to different schools and live 300 miles away. But a play is a play and kissing is part of acting. How do you think actors and actresses feel about seeing their significant other kissing and portraying sex in films? Just let it go and if you love each other you'll forgive each other.

 
Very mature post here about the subject finch13
I thnk you have the problem's answer for our friend:
 
Go Cleveland  WheelBrokerAng

Thanks guys.  Went on a 4 mile walk with my Golden and it was pretty nice.  As for the advice, I really appreciate all of it, both views.  I guess ill reply to eveyones reply since this is pretty important to me.
 

quote:

Has she cheated on you in the past?  Admitidly if it were my GF  I wouldn't want to see it so I probably wouldn't go to the play.  I'd show up afterwards to support her and congratulate her but take full faith and trust her to do the right thing and that it is just a part of the role.  My opinion is that if you can't trust someone either find a way to trust them (deal with your own issues or confront the person on theirs) or drop the relationship.  It's natural for a male to be a bit jealous it just says that you care enough about her that you don't want to lose her.  But don't let that push her away.  I'd sit her down and tell her that I understand it's part of her acting and that it's not for any form of personal pleasure.  I would then ASK if she would mind if I didn't see the play but showed up after it was done because it makes me uncomfortable seeing that but re-assure her that I would be there at the end and I know she'll do a great job.

Don't be responsible for loosing something that's dear to you by being so afraid of that loss that you push it away.

 
Cheated on me?  No, more of tickling and flirting.  As for showing up, I think it would just be a lie because I dont support what shes doing.  I know that sounds bad, but I cant support her kissing someone else, and theres no point in acting like I do.  I know, I am debating the same thing, I dont want to go b/c I dont want to see it but then again I do because I want to see it, you know?  I already told her I am not going and she cried, but I think I may go w/o her knowledge, watch some of it, feel horrible, leave and go to bed and sleep.  I trust her, after one of our fights she finally got it I was sick of everything and she has been working harder.  I dont want want to push her away, but I have been honest with her and told her earlier that I would most likely "shut down" and that it would really bug me. 
And I have told her, which I know is 100% true that if those incidents she did/put me thorough hadnt of happened I would be much less jealous.
 
 

quote:

nasty gave good advice there.
If you do not trust this girl/woman 100%, you need to end it now.  That's the bottom line.    You don't want to get stuck in a relationship if her mother is terrible. 
You just got to college!  Live a little!  You haven't gotten to experience "jumping on the grenade" for the first time!  You have a lot of living left to do! 

Yes he did.  Thats pretty hard to hear outright.  But I knw what you mean.  Well I told her I am going to give her one more chance, and if that fails I will either end it, or do what she did to me, right back to her.  Her mom is fine, but sometimes she can be ridiculous, not really towards me to much, but I am not a person who is going to get yelled at even if it is an adult.  I dont know how being upset over this is immature.  haha Jumping on the grenade yet! lmao  Assuming I know what that is, I have not done that yet, nor plan to anytime soon! haha 
 

quote:

maybe its what i need to do...i blame my relationship for me not going to school...i was only 17 when i got with her....

I'm sorry man.  Well I wish you the best of luck, and hey, if you need advice, obviously these guys know what they are talking about.
 

quote:

That's definitely not fair on her part. I get jealous easily as well and I'm not a fighter by any means, but maybe you need to go toss their sh*t and show some dominance. Once college started I got really defensive of my girl and it's working with the guys she goes to school with. If she's gonna be immature about it, and it's not something small, tell her to cut the sh*t or you're gone. The first thing I taught my girl was that if she was going to be stupid and play cat-and-mouse games I wouldn't put up with it. Best of luck to you and if you really love each other things will resolve.

Im not really a fighter either, and like you this is the first relationship that I have ever had where I really stood up and defended us.  Which means something.  I have shown her that I am sick of dealing with the same old, and that she needs to stop. I havent really threatened to end it really blunlty because it would be hard for me as well.  I know, I am tired of the game...ugh.  I hope things resolve, and the thing I am worried about is what if she has another play where she has to do this again

quote:

 
I can honestly say I know where you are coming from.  My wife never once cheated on me at all but if she see's a friend and gives them a hug it's cool, but if I do it (unless it's certain people that she likes) she gets all bent out of shape.  And I can forget about going to hooters or something of that nature (HIN might be an exception if she could come along...).

Side note on trust: Typically speaking the parter who accuses someone of cheating is the one who themselves cheated in the past.  They feel bad for cheating so they want to blame it on their partner and in a way want their partner to do it so they are "equal" again.  yeah it's strange but it's true. 

Anyway, I hope it works out the way it's supposed to but I know it sucks while you are going through it.  I would also ask her to stop being flirtaous with other cast members and to at least stand up for you (I.E. some guy asks her to sit on his lap and she says "sorry but I wouldn't do that to my boyfriend")

Well its comforting someone else understands where I am coming from.  Have you talked to her about that?!  Not going to Hooters, she wont let me either, but I have never been there before so I am sure that helps with the want to go. 
 
Cheating wise, I cheated my sophmore year, and thats a whole different story.  Lets say she was all over this other guy (sitting on his lap, just them hanging out) and then when we were breaking up she tried telling me the devil was making me do it so yeah.....  She was fine until then, and the other stuff.  Anyways back to my current relationship, I dont think I am trying to blame her for cheating or anything. I know what she has done, such as tickling, flirting, biting his finger, just hime and her in a picture with them on the beach and only his swimming trunks on, but that was earlier in our relationship among other things.
I hope it works out too...I dont want to grow up regretting what I could have had.  And she did tell him no to sitting on his lap, thank goodness.
 
Thanks, I am wondering if she saw some of this it would open her eyes...JUST  a thought though. I will let you know when I would like it deleted and thanks again:)
 

quote:

first off, nasty gave some GREAT advice with this


Don't be responsible for loosing something that's dear to you by being so afraid of that loss that you push it away.


and I know because I have...and standing on a edge because I do love the woman so much....and I don't even know if we are going to be getting back together (I have been told friends for now and that's the best she can offer, so who knows? I pray and that's the best I can do besides hope she can see the new me coming out)

but if you really love her, AND if she realy truly loves you....then she shouldn't be playing these games, its not fair to you in the end....and I mean in the end of messing with your heart and emotions...lies, deciet and cheating a

 
I just talked to her.
Told her how much this was hurting me.
Her response "its just a play" no im sorry or anything else
 

I am honestly so crushed and havent felt this hurt...omg

make sure your actually in love with her not just in love with how she makes you feel.

Then really think about where this relationship is going, and remember in 10 years you'll be a completely different person. Is it likely that as you mature, she will mature in the same way, at the same rate?

Also, you shouldnt dwell on how long a relationship has lasted and base whether you will stay together based on that. you need to look at the future, not the past.
If its not ment to be its not ment to be, regardless of how long youve been together.

When you talked to her about it, did you mention the flirting with the other boys?

Would you feel this jelous if her kissing the boy was just "some guy" instead of someone you knew (and didnt like)?
my guess is no, and maybe if you asked her to not flirt with him so much, she would be more understanding.

I'll probably get slammed for this, but I'm gonna throw it out there.
Go to a nudy bar with a bunch of your buddies.  Get a lap dance.  Make sure she finds out about it, actually....tell her you went.
How is that any different than what she is doing?  The only difference is the women don't have clothes on and you have to pay for them to flirt with you.  And they don't kiss you.
My wife is totally cool with me going to the nudy bar, even although I never go.  The last time I went was my bachelor party.  I haven't had any desire to go since I've been married.
They are loads of fun though.
I took my wife once (back when she was my girlfriend) and she had a blast!

Dude, ive been in this exact thing. I dated this girl in HS for almost 2 years.   Major jealousy issues coming from her, hugging issue and all that. She was a major control freak, but hot and was giving me more than 3 guys could handle sexually. So i dealt with it....I went to college and the day i left she slept with another guy....(im like WTF?!?!?!?! (not saying this is gonna happen to you).....What i do wanna tell you is this. Most likely you will not marry this girl. This is a high school relationship... there are tons of other women out there, and the sooner you realize this and start enjoying your college experience the better.....My experience dragged on into the second semester of my freshman year even after she cheated on me the day i left for school.... take this as a learning experience...If you cant trust each other its just gonna make everything harder in the end. feelings of guilt, and sadness, and confusion are gonna fill your head and its gonna suck. But learn from it and apply that the other women you date......
 
 
I dont mean to be a downer, but this is the likely conclusion...you can do what you want. Im just speaking from personal experience of nearly the same things....maybe not the same actions. but the same issues of jealousy, trust, distance, high school....
 
Good Luck, do some internal thinking....and get to enjoying college..
 
"Quit worrying about stupid things! You have 4 years to be irresponsible. You won't remember classtime, but you will remember the time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So stay out late, go out on a Tuesday night when you have a paper due on Wednesday. Spend money you DON'T have. Drink until sunrise. The work never ends, but college does." Tom Petty

Warning: This is a very extensive post, if some of it doesn't make sense ask me, I just whipped through it and don't plan to re-read it.

Ok just did some re-looking.  She's in High school and you're in college?  She's younger I assume? (my wife is 4 years younger than me...) I hope you don't mind this but I mentioned some of this to my wife last night (we talk quite a bit but not as much as she'd like...) and I'll tell you why.

About a year and a half ago she was working at a call center, we had only been together a few months and there was a guy who worked there that had more in common with her than I ever thought two people could have.  This of course led to her being a bit confused about what she was going to do and wanted to do and in the mean time ripped me up pretty good.  Well it came along that a bunch of people from her work all decided to throw a party (they didn't know me so they all supported her being with him) in a hotel (they were underage, there was about 8 people there so it wasn't just her and him) and due to the animocity I felt towards a bunch of her co-workers I knew it wouldn't be a good idea for me to be there and drunk (especially since I was well over the legal age).  Knowing that she had to sort out whether or not she had a thing for this guy and that she really wanted to go I let her go and decided that it was easier for me to let her figure out what she wanted.  I didn't want to lose her of course but I figured that things will work out the way they are supposed to no matter how much I fight.  If she's going to leave me for him then I'm just going to let her go and try to somehow move on.  She went, they all hung out and partied and she realized that I was who she wanted (she never did anything).  So my situation worked itself out with a lot of prayer and some hard times.  I mention this story as a premise to why I talked to her about it.  And yes I was quite scared and angry the whole night, my friend simply said: If she cheats she's gone, if she doesn't then she cares for you but if you can't trust her with a group of people how can you date her?

So now this is coming from a womens point of view who has been in what I would consider a similar situation: She basically told me that if she was in a performance and that was one of her passions and I wouldn't show up because I didn't want to see it that she would be hurt.  (Side note: I know what you mean by not wanting to see it but kinda wanting to see it, I watched her and those people check into the hotel from accross the street so they didn't see me....I just wanted to know where she was in case something bad happened)  Her (devils advocate) take on it was that although I may not like what she is doing in/during the play if it's something she's proud of and worked for I should support her accomplishment of those goals.  To which I said was a bunch of BS and why would you want me to see something that bothered me that much etc, etc... Almost started an argument actually... *L*

The long and short of all that came out of it was simply: You don't have to support or condone what she is doing but support her as a person and her accomplishments, in the long run (regardless if it works or not) that will improve your relationship.

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings. 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. 9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. 12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.    –– James 1:1-12 (NIV)

OK so after thinking about it for a while, the nudy bar is probably a really bad idea.  I forget your gf is still in high school.  That would probably be a 90% chance she'd break it off herself.  And tell her mom about it.  Then somehow that information could get beck to your own mom, etc. etc.  Plus you usually feel pretty dirty after coming back from one of those places.  And that may get stuck in your mind for a while and make you even more depressed.  Not to mention the "immoral" factor. 
But she does need to learn how to trust you.  Getting mad over you hugging another girl that may be an old friend is ghey.
Her flirting with those other guys is ghey too.  She probably doesn't realize what she is doing to you.  I wish you could make her put herself in your shoes.  That was why I gave the nudy bar scenario.
If it winds up somehow not working out, she will soon realize what she has lost.
Or as Cinderella so eloquently put it: "You don't know what you got till its gone" 

Oh come on, 5spd, good advice is never to stoop to someone else's level, and even better advice is never to stoop to a lower level than somebody else. One-upping each other gets you nowhere and usually everyone gets hurt in the end.

97, if she can't see your side of the situation and at least say "I'm sorry it hurt you, yes it is a play and it means nothing, I love you most" or something reassuring along those lines, then you should sit her down again and ask her why she doesn't care or show her care. If she keeps treating it like it's a joke I wouldn't put up with her anymore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: 00AccordLX5spd
Or as Cinderella so eloquently put it: "You don't know what you got till its gone" 

*ROFL* Beautiful 80's hairband referance.  I swear they have a song for every scenario from that era...

quote:

ORIGINAL: finch13

Oh come on, 5spd, good advice is never to stoop to someone else's level, and even better advice is never to stoop to a lower level than somebody else. One-upping each other gets you nowhere and usually everyone gets hurt in the end.

 
Yeah I know.  I realized that.  That's why I put in my last post above.