Please Post Jokes
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/14/2006 12:36:31 AM
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WheelBrokerAng
Posts: 7085
Joined: 8/30/2004
From: Canton/Massillon, Ohio 44646
Status: offline
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Jokes will be alright as long as they are not degrading to society , and also if they are not filled with any cuss words other than maybe a hell or damm if neccesary...Please follow the rules folks...
I will Delete any Nasty ones and then I will have to send you  angry mail!
Here's my 1st one:
Q: What's a mixed feeling
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new Honda.
WheelBrokerAng 
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" Prejudice Saves Time ; It Enables Us To Form Opinions Without Facts "
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/14/2006 2:06:49 AM
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19Accord97
Posts: 3171
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
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Q: What does Chevrolet really mean?
A: Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Q: What does Kia stand for?
A: Keep It Away!
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
 I've heard this one before, but it still always makes me laugh 
< Message edited by WheelBrokerAng -- 10/14/2006 2:18:55 PM >
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Scopin out my old turf......
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/14/2006 3:38:09 PM
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sir_nasty
Posts: 6309
Joined: 2/23/2006
Status: offline
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So there was this trucker sitting in his rig at a truck stop one day and he noticed this little kid sitting on the side walk next to a cat acting a little peculiar.
The kid was sitting there and he'd take a piece of candy throw it up in the air catch it in his mouth, lean over bite the cat on the tail and slide down the sidewalk a square. The trucker just continued to watch as he attempted to figure out what this kid was doing and after seeing this happen about 4 times he finally couldn't take it anymore. So he gets out of his truck and walks over to the kid and says "Son, I've been watching you for a bit now as you toss up some candy catch it, chew it up, bite the cat and move down a square, and I was just wondering what on earth are you doing?" the kid looked up at him and replied "I'm practicing being a truck driver." The truck driver just kind of scratched his head, looked at the kid again and said "What on earth do you mean 'practicing being a truck driver'?" the kid calmly looks back up at the driver and says "I'm just popin pills, chasing tail and scooting on down the road"
 I Think this is a True Story Mr. Nasty 
< Message edited by WheelBrokerAng -- 10/14/2006 4:12:35 PM >
_____________________________
1981 Civic Station Wagon - ROhnda (Really Old Honda)
1981 Honda CB650 Motorcylce - WHEE What More can I say?
2000 Lexus RX 300 - Oooh baby my wife let me drive it once!!
Quote: Life''''s great but it''''s not all beer and skittles
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/14/2006 4:07:57 PM
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Slusher
Posts: 479
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline
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The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
_____________________________
You get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
95 EX Auto
OBX 4-2-1 Header
Type R Strut Bar
SRI
174k miles
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/14/2006 4:15:08 PM
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WheelBrokerAng
Posts: 7085
Joined: 8/30/2004
From: Canton/Massillon, Ohio 44646
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Slusher
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
**Alright I want evryone who has done this to raise their hands... **
How come I see your hand in the air WheelBroker??  *j/k*
< Message edited by sir_nasty -- 10/14/2006 6:40:10 PM >
_____________________________
" Prejudice Saves Time ; It Enables Us To Form Opinions Without Facts "
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/14/2006 6:43:27 PM
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sir_nasty
Posts: 6309
Joined: 2/23/2006
Status: offline
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In all honesty I got busted by a motion detector cow *L* one of those things that makes the MOOO noise when someone walks past it... sure enough come in late, close the door all nice and slow, creep around the edge to avoid the creeking of the boards, cross through a doorway and "MOOOOOOO, MOOOOOO, MOOOO!" like a fricken blowhorn in that silence..... Not by my wife but by my parents years ago... I think they figured that the cow scaring the poop out of me was punishment enough and so they just resorted to pointing and laughing...
_____________________________
1981 Civic Station Wagon - ROhnda (Really Old Honda)
1981 Honda CB650 Motorcylce - WHEE What More can I say?
2000 Lexus RX 300 - Oooh baby my wife let me drive it once!!
Quote: Life''''s great but it''''s not all beer and skittles
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/15/2006 1:30:40 AM
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WheelBrokerAng
Posts: 7085
Joined: 8/30/2004
From: Canton/Massillon, Ohio 44646
Status: offline
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Me Bad ,,,,Maybe ???/
quote:
ORIGINAL: WheelBrokerAng
quote:
ORIGINAL: Slusher
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
**Alright I want evryone who has done this to raise their hands...**
How come I see your hand in the air WheelBroker?? *j/k*
_____________________________
" Prejudice Saves Time ; It Enables Us To Form Opinions Without Facts "
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/15/2006 2:00:33 AM
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YeuEmMaiMai
Posts: 1822
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline
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why did the chicken cross the road you ask?
to get away from the KFC on the other side.....lol
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White 2002 Acura CL type S. 68K and change
Criminals thrive upon the intolerence of society''s understanding.....and political correctness
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/15/2006 3:49:45 AM
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Slusher
Posts: 479
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline
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A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain.We're on our
final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and
I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can
hear his conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Tampa?"
"Well, " says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and
take a big crap.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess
out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her
back to my room and well, you know."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately
begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new
stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the
plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit
to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The
old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear, he's gotta take a dump first."
_____________________________
You get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
95 EX Auto
OBX 4-2-1 Header
Type R Strut Bar
SRI
174k miles
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/17/2006 7:15:41 PM
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Breeze
Posts: 164
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline
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Very funny!!! Thanks all!! Sir that's just too much.. MOo...Ha Ha.
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/17/2006 8:14:15 PM
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deserthonda
Posts: 3575
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
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ok here goes one.......
this homeless guy wonder inside a bar,,,,stumbling as he were drunk,, approaches a guy playing at the pool table and stumbling his words HE said......
I bet you 100 dollars i can bite my right eye..and puts 100 dollars on the pool table,, the other person thinks ( man this guy is so drunk he does not know which side is up ) there is no way that he can bite his eye......Ok you are on he screams......
The homeless guy smiles,,,,,, pulls out his fake RIGHT eye and bites it....he won 100 dollars the other man was furious , he had been taken but being a man of his word he paid the 100 dollars . after all no one said how he was goping to bite his eye
the homeless guiy said,, i give you a chance to earn the 100 dollars back....
I bet i can bite my left eye ..
The other man tought for a second mmmmmm there is no way that this guy has 2 fake eys , he can see ,YOU ARE ON He screams but make it 500 dollars ...the homeless man thinks for a second ( ok you are on ) .......after a hand shake,
he removes his false TEETH ( denture ) and with a grin bites the left eye
EASY MONEY HE SAID,, EASY MONEY.,,,,, As he stroll out of the bar
_____________________________
No Year No Model in Your signature
No Help from me
Take a look in the DIY section before asking for help
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/17/2006 11:44:52 PM
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RTexasF
Forum Monitor
Posts: 2357
Joined: 11/16/2004
From: Brownsville, TX
Status: offline
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A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his
porch with his dog:
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)......
"Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"
_____________________________
''''04 2.4l 5M EX Sedan
Neuspeed short shift kit
V-6 6 speed front strut/firewall brace
17mm rear anti sway bar
AEM Shorty
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Kicker Speakers
JL Audio Clean Sweep
JL Audio Amp
200W Bazooka sub
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 
