RE: Please Post Jokes
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/17/2006 11:50:40 PM
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RTexasF
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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my ****. I can splash it on my eyes."
 This one really Hit my Funny Bone.....
< Message edited by WheelBrokerAng -- 10/21/2006 7:26:13 PM >
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/17/2006 11:56:11 PM
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RTexasF
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From: Brownsville, TX
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I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my German Shorthair and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time --- but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking myself and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
_____________________________
''''04 2.4l 5M EX Sedan
Neuspeed short shift kit
V-6 6 speed front strut/firewall brace
17mm rear anti sway bar
AEM Shorty
DC Sports SS Header
Kicker Speakers
JL Audio Clean Sweep
JL Audio Amp
200W Bazooka sub
V-6 OEM 7 spoke alloys
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/21/2006 7:36:25 PM
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WheelBrokerAng
Posts: 7085
Joined: 8/30/2004
From: Canton/Massillon, Ohio 44646
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Here's two New Ones for All To Read..hope you like them !
Q. What do TupperWare and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a Tight Seal .
Another:
Q. Why is Divorce so Expensive ?
A. Because it's Worth it!
WheelBrokerAng 
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" Prejudice Saves Time ; It Enables Us To Form Opinions Without Facts "
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/22/2006 1:24:00 AM
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deserthonda
Posts: 3575
Joined: 12/3/2005
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ok here goes 1 ......
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.
The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at the guy and asks:
"What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Not a thing," the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!"
"Not a chance!", replies the barkeep.
"Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.
Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says -
"I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!"
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/22/2006 3:11:12 PM
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RTexasF
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Posts: 2357
Joined: 11/16/2004
From: Brownsville, TX
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Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill
the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the
other, then moved onto the next street, working furiously all day
without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in
again. As an onlooker I was amazed at their hard work, but I couldn't
understand what they were doing. So I asked the hole digger, “I'm
impressed by the effort the two of you are putting into your work, but
I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner
follow behind and fill it up again?” The hole digger wiped her brow
and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're
normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees
called in sick.”
_____________________________
''''04 2.4l 5M EX Sedan
Neuspeed short shift kit
V-6 6 speed front strut/firewall brace
17mm rear anti sway bar
AEM Shorty
DC Sports SS Header
Kicker Speakers
JL Audio Clean Sweep
JL Audio Amp
200W Bazooka sub
V-6 OEM 7 spoke alloys
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/22/2006 11:12:02 PM
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Tony1M
Posts: 583
Joined: 12/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RTexasF
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my ****. I can splash it on my eyes."
This one really Hit my Funny Bone.....
Hey, what happened to "Don't forget we have women members guys"?
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Tony
1992 Accord LX, 4AT, 4 dr, no AC, no power anything
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/23/2006 9:18:31 AM
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RTexasF
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Posts: 2357
Joined: 11/16/2004
From: Brownsville, TX
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So let them post jokes about blonde men then.
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''''04 2.4l 5M EX Sedan
Neuspeed short shift kit
V-6 6 speed front strut/firewall brace
17mm rear anti sway bar
AEM Shorty
DC Sports SS Header
Kicker Speakers
JL Audio Clean Sweep
JL Audio Amp
200W Bazooka sub
V-6 OEM 7 spoke alloys
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/23/2006 11:45:09 PM
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YeuEmMaiMai
Posts: 1822
Joined: 5/28/2006
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what do you call a blonde at the bottom of the pool? An air bubble
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/24/2006 1:07:32 AM
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WheelBrokerAng
Posts: 7085
Joined: 8/30/2004
From: Canton/Massillon, Ohio 44646
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Great Idea TEX..
quote:
ORIGINAL: RTexasF
So let them post jokes about blonde men then.
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/24/2006 5:19:29 PM
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RTexasF
Forum Monitor
Posts: 2357
Joined: 11/16/2004
From: Brownsville, TX
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For the ladies....a blonde male joke!!!!!!!!!!!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.
_____________________________
''''04 2.4l 5M EX Sedan
Neuspeed short shift kit
V-6 6 speed front strut/firewall brace
17mm rear anti sway bar
AEM Shorty
DC Sports SS Header
Kicker Speakers
JL Audio Clean Sweep
JL Audio Amp
200W Bazooka sub
V-6 OEM 7 spoke alloys
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 10/24/2006 11:50:33 PM
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kevin_nguyen0862
Posts: 337
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Father And Son Talk
A little boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework assignment is to find out the difference between “potentially” and “realistically.”
“Easy,” says his father. “First, ask Mom if she’d sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.”
The boy runs off, then comes back and says, “She said yes.”
“Now go ask your sister the same question,” advises the father.
Again the boy runs off, and again he comes back and says, “She said yes.”
“So, potentially, we’re sitting on two million dollars,” replies the father. “But, realistically, we’re living with a pair of whores.”
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RE: Please Post Jokes - 
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me bad* 