Please Post Jokes
#2
10-14-2006, 02:36 AM
Administrator
RE: Please Post Jokes
Jokes will be alright as long as they are not degrading to society , and also if they are not filled with any cuss words other than maybe a hell or damm if neccesary...Please follow the rules folks...
I will Delete any Nasty ones and then I will have to send you [sm=angrymail.gif] angry mail!
Here's my 1st one:
Q: What's a mixed feeling
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new Honda.
WheelBrokerAng
I will Delete any Nasty ones and then I will have to send you [sm=angrymail.gif] angry mail!
Here's my 1st one:
Q: What's a mixed feeling
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new Honda.
WheelBrokerAng
#3
10-14-2006, 04:06 AM
Unregistered
Posts: n/a
RE: Please Post Jokes
Q: What does Chevrolet really mean?
A: Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Q: What does Kia stand for?
A: Keep It Away!
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
[sm=happy046.gif] I've heard this one before, but it still always makes me laugh [sm=happybounce.gif]
A: Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Q: What does Kia stand for?
A: Keep It Away!
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
[sm=happy046.gif] I've heard this one before, but it still always makes me laugh [sm=happybounce.gif]
#5
10-14-2006, 05:38 PM
RE: Please Post Jokes
So there was this trucker sitting in his rig at a truck stop one day and he noticed this little kid sitting on the side walk next to a cat acting a little peculiar.
The kid was sitting there and he'd take a piece of candy throw it up in the air catch it in his mouth, lean over bite the cat on the tail and slide down the sidewalk a square. The trucker just continued to watch as he attempted to figure out what this kid was doing and after seeing this happen about 4 times he finally couldn't take it anymore. So he gets out of his truck and walks over to the kid and says "Son, I've been watching you for a bit now as you toss up some candy catch it, chew it up, bite the cat and move down a square, and I was just wondering what on earth are you doing?" the kid looked up at him and replied "I'm practicing being a truck driver." The truck driver just kind of scratched his head, looked at the kid again and said "What on earth do you mean 'practicing being a truck driver'?" the kid calmly looks back up at the driver and says "I'm just popin pills, chasing tail and scooting on down the road"
[sm=groupwave.gif] I Think this is a True Story Mr. Nasty
The kid was sitting there and he'd take a piece of candy throw it up in the air catch it in his mouth, lean over bite the cat on the tail and slide down the sidewalk a square. The trucker just continued to watch as he attempted to figure out what this kid was doing and after seeing this happen about 4 times he finally couldn't take it anymore. So he gets out of his truck and walks over to the kid and says "Son, I've been watching you for a bit now as you toss up some candy catch it, chew it up, bite the cat and move down a square, and I was just wondering what on earth are you doing?" the kid looked up at him and replied "I'm practicing being a truck driver." The truck driver just kind of scratched his head, looked at the kid again and said "What on earth do you mean 'practicing being a truck driver'?" the kid calmly looks back up at the driver and says "I'm just popin pills, chasing tail and scooting on down the road"
[sm=groupwave.gif] I Think this is a True Story Mr. Nasty
#6
10-14-2006, 06:07 PM
RE: Please Post Jokes
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
#7
10-14-2006, 06:15 PM
Administrator
RE: Please Post Jokes
ORIGINAL: Slusher
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
**Alright I want evryone who has done this to raise their hands...[sm=hiya.gif]**
How come I see your hand in the air WheelBroker?? [sm=alcoholic.gif] *j/k*
#8
10-14-2006, 08:43 PM
RE: Please Post Jokes
In all honesty I got busted by a motion detector cow *L* one of those things that makes the MOOO noise when someone walks past it... sure enough come in late, close the door all nice and slow, creep around the edge to avoid the creeking of the boards, cross through a doorway and "MOOOOOOO, MOOOOOO, MOOOO!" like a fricken blowhorn in that silence..... Not by my wife but by my parents years ago... I think they figured that the cow scaring the poop out of me was punishment enough and so they just resorted to pointing and laughing...
#10
10-15-2006, 03:30 AM
Administrator
RE: Please Post Jokes
Me Bad ,,,,Maybe ???/
ORIGINAL: WheelBrokerAng
**Alright I want evryone who has done this to raise their hands...[sm=hiya.gif]**
How come I see your hand in the air WheelBroker?? [sm=alcoholic.gif] *j/k*
ORIGINAL: Slusher
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
The other night a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys". He
told
his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around
2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, He headed for home. Just as he got in
the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, he realized she'd probably
wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself,
having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a
possible
conflict.
The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told
her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with
that
one!
She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then farted."
**Alright I want evryone who has done this to raise their hands...[sm=hiya.gif]**
How come I see your hand in the air WheelBroker?? [sm=alcoholic.gif] *j/k*