**JOKES here (Funny/KLEEN, Oneliners & Short Stories)**
#51
04-15-2010, 01:06 AM
Administrator
here's one at a local airport where i fly out of. it is posted above the urinal in the mens bathroom.
Will the pilots with short exhaust stacks and low manifold pressure please taxi up close. The next pilot may not have a seaplane rating.
I cracked up for like 10 minutes when i read this for the first time.
Will the pilots with short exhaust stacks and low manifold pressure please taxi up close. The next pilot may not have a seaplane rating.
I cracked up for like 10 minutes when i read this for the first time.
That's a good one..I think Ive seen that in other airports also...
#52
04-15-2010, 01:08 AM
Administrator
Here's a pilot joke I heard a few years ago...
Commercial pilot from USA flys into Frankfurt Germany for the first time. Once he lands, the ground-control guys are very abrupt & give him taxiing instructions that only make sense to repeat visitors. He keeps asking for clarification what they meant. Finally the guy blurts out "Have you never been to Frankfurt before"? Pilot answers "Yes, but that was 1944 - and I didn't land."
Commercial pilot from USA flys into Frankfurt Germany for the first time. Once he lands, the ground-control guys are very abrupt & give him taxiing instructions that only make sense to repeat visitors. He keeps asking for clarification what they meant. Finally the guy blurts out "Have you never been to Frankfurt before"? Pilot answers "Yes, but that was 1944 - and I didn't land."
Ho, Ho-Ho-Ho,Ho I sure got that one right away jim... Bombs Awayyyyyyyy!
#53
04-15-2010, 01:17 AM
Administrator
Okay-Okay-I'll Post A Couple More For Ya!
Signs That You See Out There:
In an Office :
After your tea break the staff should empty the teapot and stand
upside down on the draining board
Seen During A Conference :
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day
care on the 1st floor
And Then:
Outside A Secondhand Shop :
We Exchange Anything-Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc.
Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?
In an Office :
After your tea break the staff should empty the teapot and stand
upside down on the draining board
Seen During A Conference :
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day
care on the 1st floor
And Then:
Outside A Secondhand Shop :
We Exchange Anything-Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc.
Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?
#54
04-25-2010, 03:11 AM
Administrator
More Things You See From Australia
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how
do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: That depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - Can I follow the railroad tracks to there?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so take lots of water with you.
Later Members...
do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: That depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - Can I follow the railroad tracks to there?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so take lots of water with you.
Later Members...
#55
04-27-2010, 02:09 AM
Administrator
How About A Story From A Bedouin
Im going to call it " The Tourist"
A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American
dressed in a bathing suit, flip flops, a big oversized t-shirt
and sunglasses.
The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, " What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!"
" Im going swimming," the tourist explained.
" But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him.
" Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a
whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
Hope you enjoyed that story...
A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American
dressed in a bathing suit, flip flops, a big oversized t-shirt
and sunglasses.
The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, " What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!"
" Im going swimming," the tourist explained.
" But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him.
" Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a
whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
Hope you enjoyed that story...
#56
04-28-2010, 12:35 AM
Administrator
Here's A Cute One
The Excited Father
The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to
the rest of his family who were waiting for the good news: " We
had twins ".
The family was so excited they immediatly asked, "Who do they
Look Like ?"
The Father paused, smiled , and said, " EACH OTHER !"
The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to
the rest of his family who were waiting for the good news: " We
had twins ".
The family was so excited they immediatly asked, "Who do they
Look Like ?"
The Father paused, smiled , and said, " EACH OTHER !"
#57
05-05-2010, 02:22 AM
Administrator
** New One For You All To Read **
New Home
When little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer
one of their former neighbors dropped by. Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, " So, how do you like your new place?"
"It's terrific," Little Johnny answered. " I have my own room, my
brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor
Mom is still in with Dad."
Hope you all liked that one!
When little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer
one of their former neighbors dropped by. Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, " So, how do you like your new place?"
"It's terrific," Little Johnny answered. " I have my own room, my
brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor
Mom is still in with Dad."
Hope you all liked that one!
#59
05-09-2010, 04:23 PM
Administrator
And these Jokes Are For Annie 1985...
" You Might Be A RedNeck If ..."
...You've ever used a bathtub as a punch bowl.
... You broke a toe when you dropped your belt buckle on it.
... You named each child after the car they were concieved in.
OR...
You've ever flirted over a drive-thu window speaker.
You've ever picked birdshot out of your fried chicken.
You think your dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.
And Finally For This Time.
You flush the toilet and your dog thinks you're going to give him fresh water and a bath.
Later my fellow and female members...
...You've ever used a bathtub as a punch bowl.
... You broke a toe when you dropped your belt buckle on it.
... You named each child after the car they were concieved in.
OR...
You've ever flirted over a drive-thu window speaker.
You've ever picked birdshot out of your fried chicken.
You think your dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.
And Finally For This Time.
You flush the toilet and your dog thinks you're going to give him fresh water and a bath.
Later my fellow and female members...
#60
05-10-2010, 08:37 PM
Administrator
Here Is Tonights New Jokes To Read
A True Southern Gal ...
A women from the most southern part of South Carolina goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is a dollar per word. She pauses, reflects and then say's, " Well, then, just let it read, " Billy Bob died."
Amused at the womens thrift, the editor says, " Sorry ma'am there is a seven word minimum on all obituaries." A little flustered , she thinks things over and replies, "In that case, let it read,
" Billy Bob died - Red truck For Sale".
A women from the most southern part of South Carolina goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is a dollar per word. She pauses, reflects and then say's, " Well, then, just let it read, " Billy Bob died."
Amused at the womens thrift, the editor says, " Sorry ma'am there is a seven word minimum on all obituaries." A little flustered , she thinks things over and replies, "In that case, let it read,
" Billy Bob died - Red truck For Sale".