http://techauto.te.funpic.org/mainrelaydefine.php

 

The main relay is near the driver's left knee. Turn the key on, listen for that relay to click (turns on the fuel pump), then after 2 seconds it clicks again (turn off the fuel pump).

 

ok so this my thing the distributor gets really hot more than the engine is, can it be the main relay.

 

No. The main relay supplies power to the fuel pump, and to the injectors.

It will also send a signal to the ECU.

Have you checked for any error codes on the ECU? See: http://www.dhost.info/accordinfo/howto/cel.html

Use a thin paperclip or a piece of wire to jump that service connector.