what a find. idk why the numbers dont match up but thats also a good conversation. that could very well be my problem. That the one. more testing to come.

 

that was it! that damn elusive 46 fuse which is numbered 6 in my manual. it was blown. It must have blown between putting in the relay and trying to start it w/the f/i unplugged. put the new fuse in, the new relay functioning properly w/ the ecm grounding it. no hard wires. car fired right up like a champ! I can't even express how thankful I am with words. I learned a lot about circuits and things these last few days. Now I can go into my automotive electronics class this fall semester like I know whats up hahaa. Well one thing I did do right was diagnose the bad relay so I feel a bit proud of that...thanks again to all. Best to you and yours.

 

Glad you figured it out.