**JOKES here (Funny/KLEEN, Oneliners & Short Stories)**
* Now We Can Get Back To The Jokes-Yes
Any Ways-Let's Try This One On For Size 
I particulary like this one very much..I hope you all do!
The Golfer
A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $ 200.00
At the 18th green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and take the $200.00
As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.
The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and
waited for the funeral procession to pass.
After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and
completed it, thus winning the game and the money.
Afterwards, one of his buddies said, " That was the most touching thing
I have ever seen.
I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concertration
to pay your respects."
" Well," said the golfer, " We were Married for 25 years."
I particulary like this one very much..I hope you all do!
The Golfer
A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $ 200.00
At the 18th green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and take the $200.00
As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.
The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and
waited for the funeral procession to pass.
After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and
completed it, thus winning the game and the money.
Afterwards, one of his buddies said, " That was the most touching thing
I have ever seen.
I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concertration
to pay your respects."
" Well," said the golfer, " We were Married for 25 years."
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 413
From: Chino Hills, CA 91709
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any job for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Hello Alisa
Potato
seeing as tho you liked those jokes, here's another for you and the members to read.
Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and I Said,
"Ma'am, this Potato is bad."
She nodded at me, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she
put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any
more trouble, you just let me know."
Enjoy your POTATO......
seeing as tho you liked those jokes, here's another for you and the members to read.
Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and I Said,
"Ma'am, this Potato is bad."
She nodded at me, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she
put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any
more trouble, you just let me know."
Enjoy your POTATO......
More Real Calls To Call Centers Around The Country
There was a caller who asked for a knitwear company
in Woven.
Operator said: Woven?. Are you sure?.
Caller said: "Yes. That's what it says on the label-Woven in Scotland".
Or how about this caller
Caller: "I'd like the number to the RSPCA please"
Operator said: "Where are you calling from?".
Caller said: " The Living room".
in Woven.
Operator said: Woven?. Are you sure?.
Caller said: "Yes. That's what it says on the label-Woven in Scotland".
Or how about this caller
Caller: "I'd like the number to the RSPCA please"
Operator said: "Where are you calling from?".
Caller said: " The Living room".
New Things To Think Of !
Interesting Ideas ...
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
What is a " Free" gift? Arent all gifts free?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is there another word for synonym?.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not to sure.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home,
and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his
car onto a freeway.
Sign In A Laundromat:
Automatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes
When The Light Goes Out
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
What is a " Free" gift? Arent all gifts free?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is there another word for synonym?.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not to sure.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home,
and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his
car onto a freeway.
Sign In A Laundromat:
Automatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes
When The Light Goes Out
Here's The "Did I Read That Sign Right Series?"
Signs We Might See Here and There !
In an office :
TOILET OUT OF ORDER ....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a London department store :
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office :
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Notice in a health food shop window :
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Notice in a farmers field :
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT
THE BULL CHARGES.
And this here one :
ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR ;
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. ( PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE
BELL DOESN'T WORK )
hOPE yOU eNJOYED tHES wORDS i tYPED......
pLEASE cLICK tHE iMAGE
In an office :
TOILET OUT OF ORDER ....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a London department store :
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office :
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Notice in a health food shop window :
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Notice in a farmers field :
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT
THE BULL CHARGES.
And this here one :
ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR ;
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. ( PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE
BELL DOESN'T WORK )
hOPE yOU eNJOYED tHES wORDS i tYPED......
pLEASE cLICK tHE iMAGE
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 413
From: Chino Hills, CA 91709
here's one at a local airport where i fly out of. it is posted above the urinal in the mens bathroom.
Will the pilots with short exhaust stacks and low manifold pressure please taxi up close. The next pilot may not have a seaplane rating.
I cracked up for like 10 minutes when i read this for the first time.
Will the pilots with short exhaust stacks and low manifold pressure please taxi up close. The next pilot may not have a seaplane rating.
I cracked up for like 10 minutes when i read this for the first time.
Super Moderator
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 18,398
From: Wisconsin
Here's a pilot joke I heard a few years ago...
Commercial pilot from USA flys into Frankfurt Germany for the first time. Once he lands, the ground-control guys are very abrupt & give him taxiing instructions that only make sense to repeat visitors. He keeps asking for clarification what they meant. Finally the guy blurts out "Have you never been to Frankfurt before"? Pilot answers "Yes, but that was 1944 - and I didn't land."
Commercial pilot from USA flys into Frankfurt Germany for the first time. Once he lands, the ground-control guys are very abrupt & give him taxiing instructions that only make sense to repeat visitors. He keeps asking for clarification what they meant. Finally the guy blurts out "Have you never been to Frankfurt before"? Pilot answers "Yes, but that was 1944 - and I didn't land."
