Warning: This is a very extensive post, if some of it doesn't make sense ask me, I just whipped through it and don't plan to re-read it.

Ok just did some re-looking. She's in High school and you're in college? She's younger I assume? (my wife is 4 years younger than me...) I hope you don't mind this but I mentioned some of this to my wife last night (we talk quite a bit but not as much as she'd like...) and I'll tell you why.

About a year and a half ago she was working at a call center, we had only been together a few months and there was a guy who worked there that had more in common with her than I ever thought two people could have. This of course led to her being a bit confused about what she was going to do and wanted to do and in the mean time ripped me up pretty good. Well it came along that a bunch of people from her work all decided to throw a party (they didn't know me so they all supported her being with him) in a hotel (they were underage, there was about 8 people there so it wasn't just her and him) and due to the animocity I felt towards a bunch of her co-workers I knew it wouldn't be a good idea for me to be there and drunk (especially since I was well over the legal age). Knowing that she had to sort out whether or not she had a thing for this guy and that she really wanted to go I let her go and decided that it was easier for me to let her figure out what she wanted. I didn't want to lose her of course but I figured that things will work out the way they are supposed to no matter how much I fight. If she's going to leave me for him then I'm just going to let her go and try to somehow move on. She went, they all hung out and partied and she realized that I was who she wanted (she never did anything). So my situation worked itself out with a lot of prayer and some hard times. I mention this story as a premise to why I talked to her about it. And yes I was quite scared and angry the whole night, my friend simply said: If she cheats she's gone, if she doesn't then she cares for you but if you can't trust her with a group of people how can you date her?

So now this is coming from a womens point of view who has been in what I would consider a similar situation: She basically told me that if she was in a performance and that was one of her passions and I wouldn't show up because I didn't want to see it that she would be hurt. (Side note: I know what you mean by not wanting to see it but kinda wanting to see it, I watched her and those people check into the hotel from accross the street so they didn't see me....I just wanted to know where she was in case something bad happened) Her (devils advocate) take on it was that although I may not like what she is doing in/during the play if it's something she's proud of and worked for I should support her accomplishment of those goals. To which I said was a bunch of BS and why would you want me to see something that bothered me that much etc, etc... Almost started an argument actually... *L*

The long and short of all that came out of it was simply: You don't have to support or condone what she is doing but support her as a person and her accomplishments, in the long run (regardless if it works or not) that will improve your relationship.

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings. 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. 9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. 12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. –– James 1:1-12 (NIV)

 

OK so after thinking about it for a while,the nudy bar is probably a really bad idea. I forget your gf is still in high school. That would probably be a 90% chance she'd break it off herself. And tell her mom about it. Then somehow that information could get beck to your own mom, etc. etc. Plus you usually feel pretty dirty after coming back from one of those places. And that may get stuck in your mind for a while and make you even more depressed. Not to mention the "immoral" factor.
But she does need to learn how to trust you. Getting mad over you hugging another girl that may be an old friend is ghey.
Her flirting with those other guys is ghey too. She probably doesn't realize what she is doing to you. I wish you could make her put herself in your shoes. That was why I gave the nudy bar scenario.
If it winds up somehow not working out, she will soon realize what she has lost.
Or as Cinderella so eloquently put it: "You don't know what you got till its gone"

 

Oh come on, 5spd, good advice is never to stoop to someone else's level, and even better advice is never to stoop to a lower level than somebody else. One-upping each other gets you nowhere and usually everyone gets hurt in the end.

97, if she can't see your side of the situation and at least say "I'm sorry it hurt you, yes it is a play and it means nothing, I love you most" or something reassuring along those lines, then you should sit her down again and ask her why she doesn't care or show her care. If she keeps treating it like it's a joke I wouldn't put up with her anymore.

 

*ROFL* Beautiful 80's hairband referance. I swear they have a song for every scenario from that era...

 

Yeah I know. I realized that.That's why I put in my last post above.

 

On the flip side, my gf is a drama queen also (in multiple senses). She is going to act in "A Chorus Line", but before she committed to it, she asked me if it would upset me since it has some very strong **** referances as well as kissing another guy. She explained the multiple levels of the story to me and told me that even though it is one of her favorite shows that if it would bother me, she wouldn't do it. I told her that it wouldn't bother me that she wants to be in the show, but that I probably wouldn't go since it may upset me (I'm Jewish, in case my first name isn't a dead givaway). She is ok with that even though she'd prefer that I did watch it. We are very open and do not play games. From my experiances, high school girls like to play games and gossip and compare notes. IMO, this is natural immaturity and shows that they are not really looking to be in a lasting relationship, knowing that they have college to look forward to as a single party-girl. I know that this is painful to hear and definately not what you'd like, but it seems that this is your case as well as MOST high school relationships. If she were dedicated to your relationship, she would not make fun and play games to stoke your emotions rather she'd want you to be comfortable with her to the point that she could do anything and you'd not have to worry about wether or not you should trust her. You are the one in college with freedom at your disposal; if she wants to maintain your relationship, she should be the one with the concerns and from her actions and reactions it seems that she is creating emotional distance wether that is her intent or not ..... this is the convo that the 2 of you need to have to clarify where you stand in your relationship.

 

I have to agree with Falkore. I've been trying to tiptoe around the issue, but he flat out said it. I have seen it too many times where a guy is a freshman in college and his gf is still in high school. The guy tried to make it work, and as soon as the girl left for college she broke up with him so she could be available once she got to college. So the guy totally wasted his freshman year of college, and the girl lost nothing (except a good guy).

 

Well I have talked to a few of my friends so lots of opinions and such. I guess now I am willing to accept the whole kissing thing...its not like I can change it. But I am still pissed that she laughed and lied to me. I guess I will call her in a few and go to the haunted house like we had originally planned awhile ago, but it will probably be awkward. Oh, and at work her dad came to work on the ladies house I work at and starting digging into me saying to grow up, and then when his daughter comes home crying he wont blame her but me and that it pisses him off when he had to hear his wife bicker to him (I understand that), but the thing that pisses me off is that it wasnt my fault she was crying, she brought the whole thing on herself when she lied to me. Everytime she cries which is more than I would like I always get blamed for it her mom has said before "WHAT has he done to you?" then we were online arguing at like 2:30am and a couple days later she gets all serious and mad and says "you know what? when you two are fighting you better do it in person and non of that online crap" Jeesh my fault again, NOT. Okay, next time ill be sure to come over at 2:00 am. Wow...so now that her dad has said something I cant wait til ths smooths out and her mom digs into me.

Thanks again for all the advice! I would reply but I dont have time, I just got back from work and have to leave again, but later I will reply to them all again. Sorry if it seems like they arent important, they are, just dont have the time right now. We'll see how it goes tonight....[&:]

I think it would be both good and bad to show her this thread...how about you guys? Maybe more good then bad since alot of this is coming from a guys perspective and b/c some of you say to end it, it might open up her eyes a little more.

 

Her seeing this thread is a touchy situation. Something that only you can decide since we don't know her or how she'll react.

 

DONT DO IT!

if the issue is resolved nothing good can come of it. your just piling more wood on the inferno.
if the issue isnt resolved, this thread will make her more... well... "wrong". which trust me, wont make her happy.
its good to get other peoples opinions, but you have to do it in a little more... respectful... way than saying "here read this."